There are times when we need our space. A place we can go to be silent or to share how we feel. Men understand men, our egos, our fears, our joys, our failings, our triumphs. I wanted to create just that space so we could talk.
So keep it clean, but feel free to share and lets help each other breathe. You don't have to reveal your identity, just be real.
The Dreamer
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I have recently lost my job, part of it was my fault. I have a family and I seem paralized afraid to even share my feelings with my wife even though we have been married for ten years. She has a good job. I feel afraid to even ask her for money to take taxi to look for a job. I'm getting depressed as the days draw on. I just want to get over this phase. Like I have let her down.
ReplyDeleteWe men have always been taught that we are the bread winners and that we must be the major/sole providers for our families, and if we are not doing this, we are not "men". Truth be told, in this day and age, supporting the home is a joint effort, so there is no need to feel "inadequate" at this "temporary" stage of your life. Ask your wife for the taxi money and use the opportunity/spare time to get closer to your family (and your God.
ReplyDeleteWell said.
ReplyDeleteHaving retired and waiting for my gratuity took all of eight months. What little savings I had evaporated in a few months. Putting a daughter through school in the U.S.A did not make it any easier. What to do? Believe that God gave me a wife who loves me and would not take any delight in sticking it to me. But rather will most certainly relate to my situation, and relieve me of the pain that accompanied the situation.
ReplyDeleteIt was with great joy that we both celebrated the end of the waiting. Allow your wife to enter into your pain and the end result is a deeper relation founded on the trust exhibited by you.
What to Do
ReplyDeleteI am married and I have five children three boys and two girls, ages 29, 27, 24,twins 18. My daughter 27 years old studying abroad informs us she is gay. Lord I was shocked, hurt, confused. My wife looked like she took it in stride. I don't know how to read her reaction. I guess it took a lot out of our daughter to tell us especially how I view things. I love her so much. But I just don't know how to deal with this. I can't even tell my own siblings. I'm glad for this blog. I have somewhere to share at least. I feel I should never have let her go to university away. I am in pain. Lord help me to cope with this.
As the wife of a man who lost everything - not just our company, the only advice I can give you is to put your trust in your wife and share everything with her - your thoughts as you have written them here, your hurt, your anger and your frustrations. Do not, whatever you do, block her out.
ReplyDeleteYour wife will not be able to read your mind so communication is of the utmost importance here otherwise you will end up sending the wrong signals which will ultimately spell disaster.
Never lose faith or hope and you will come through this, just as we did.
Hi Confused
ReplyDeleteAs a parent and a father, there is a sense of failure we feel when our children make mistakes and seem to make the wrong choices in life. It's difficult too in knowing what to say to them, how to advise, act, react and still to let them know we love them. I offer you the story in the bible of the prodigal son. Like the father in the prodigal son we must have faith that once we have created a strong foundation of love, good moral and spiritual values, that it will always win out over the world's false values and teachings. We must be there for them when they finally come back home. We must try not to rebuff them, but to embrace them and restore them as a son or a daughter.
As a husband I agree with the advice from Anonymous and you must ensure my brother that you share your deep feelings and pain with your wife. This is not a sign of weakness but a sign of your humaness. She too is hurting and her heart is pierced with a sword. She also needs your strength and love at this moment.
Finally take everything to God in prayer. A God who loves your daughter and loves you too. Make it your daily duty to pray with your wife for your marriage and your children. God is always faithful. Please email me at the address below. I can give you some websites for more information on this growing scourge of homosexuality. Go Bless You.
Boy! Dreamer and Anonymous I couldn't add except to say that sometimes it takes time. Sometimes a lifetime. But never, never give up. Let God do his work. If you believe in Mary and her intersessory power take your daughter to her in prayer. She leads all her children to her son. Nuff said.
ReplyDeleteMy wife is going through menapause. It has been very rough on her. Somtimes I just don't know what to say, what to do, if to show her affection, just to leave her alone. Have any of you guys been through this. I just wan't to be there for her and let her know its all right. We can make it through this. I am not going anywhere.
ReplyDeleteHey, Tall boy
ReplyDeleteTell us more. My wife has almost started. So next few years I'll be going through this as will most of us.
Please allow me to share with you a reading which I found in a little book called "the little book of big bible promises for mem", by Alice Chapin. It says "In our society, men are often afraid they will not be MAN ENOUGH. Strong men often think that human responses like fear, doubt, and anger in the midst of painful circumstances are cause for shame. Perhaps you can't keep from crying out in your misery and even feel humiliated about shedding tears and asking, "God, where are you ". There is comfort in the fact that a very human Jesus responded to his own terrible torment with loud cries and trembling that seem to parallel those of distraught men today. You will not feel so embarassed if you remember Jesus. He too felt agony - so much that he literally sweat blood. He too cried out in despair, "Father, why have you forsaken me?". Yet, not long after came the Resurrection and the wonderful consequences that followed for humanity.
ReplyDeleteHey Gaston
ReplyDeleteThat really inspired me
Thanks
"There is nothing so small that we may honour God by asking his guidance of it, or insult Him by taking it into our own hands"..... John Rusken (1819 - 1900).
ReplyDeletePeace.
Gaston
The Joys and Challenges of Fatherhood:
ReplyDeleteI start by making a quote from a keynote speech presented at a statewide forum on fatherhood, Denver, Colorado, October 5, 1999
"Fatherhood is the single most creative, complicated, fulfilling, frustrating, engrossing, enriching, depleting endeavor of a man’s adult life." -Kyle Pruett, Yale University
Let me give you a simple bias -- children need men in their lives on a regular, consistent basis. Men need children in their lives. The payoff is enormous. Many men have yet to discover this.
I am really happy about the comments that we are seeing on the blog.
ReplyDeleteThis just proves that men really need this kind of interaction.
I would like to invite anyone reading this to our next men's monthly meeting.
7.00 pm Friday 16/10/09
Living Water Community Frederick Street.
Come and meet your brothers who are on the same journey as yourself.
God Bless
Thanks for the invite Alan. I will come and try to bring a friend of mine. We need a forum like this. By the way do you have a number someone can call if he needs to talk to another man?
ReplyDeleteI have been contacted by some men who wish to contribute and share, but are afraid of sharing their id. That is not a problem given that some contributions are painful, private and important to be kept confidential.
ReplyDeletePlease use a anonymous handle in that case and remember you are all welcome. Please respect and you will be respected.
God Bless You
HOW CAN I FATHER WHEN I HAVE NEVER BEEN FATHERED? IF MY LASTING MEMORY OF MY FATHER IS BEATING ME. IN BEING AFRAID WHEN HE CAME HOME. I PISSED MY PANTS ON THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE. I WISHED I WAS IN MY BED WHEN HE CAME HOME. I WAS ABUSED VERBALLY AND PHYSICALLY. I HAVE FORGIVEN HIM I THINK. BUT THE SCARS ARE STILL THERE. I SEE THEM WHEN I TRY TO FATHER MY OWN. DAMN DAMN DAMN
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMany West Indian men have experienced some of what you shared. These memories are painful and the scars remain with us for a lifetime. Help can be received to help us cope and manage the pain. It is also critical in our relationships with our own children to be able to recognize this as a problem that needs professional help.
Have you ever received counseling for the father wound? Many men feel that as men we are supposed to deal with these problems by our selves. To suck it up and just handle it! Wrong, in situations like yours we need help. Professional help. I'm glad that you found our blog and were able to share your pain. What I would like to do is offer you an invitation to call me at 680-1043 or email me at derekwalcott@gmail.com. I am usually at Living Water Community in Port of Spain one day a week.
I will pray for you as you journey with this cross. But please give me a call or seek professional help. We have a list of counselors we can put you in touch with.
Be Blessed
Remember, guys, that this is the season in Trinidad where we men tend to DISRESPECT our women folk the most. Let us do all in our power to set the best possible example ourselves, all the while realizing that these women, whom we are quick to disrespect, are someone's wife, mother and/or sister.
ReplyDeleteI found this site and I felt that I must share it.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.realcatholicmen.com/
Please read and enjoy !!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W1EdvUfaRY&feature=related
ReplyDeleteI have always found this to be inspiring. I do hope that everyone who reads this will find comfort.
seeing the hearts and hurts and concerns of men, is something that is completely new to me.....tough and strong and never to show emotion is what was taught to me....
ReplyDelete